"The Iliad": Chapter 3

This should get exciting today. After the way the last chapter left off, it sounds like we have some fighting coming up. In order to get into the mood I would recommend the track "Gods of War Arise" by Amon Amarth. Oh yeah! This track was made for war. CHARGE!

But wait.... what's this? No fighting?! This Homer is a tease. But at least I can make fun of Alexandros (aka: Paris). The Trojans are standing strong while the beastly Achaians are charging so hard that they actually seem to kick up a dust cloud. Which effectively destroys their depth perception. But on to the horny, wimpy, "kitty"-whipped Alexandros. After feeling a sudden surge of adrenaline or testosterone, which probably got him into the predicament in the first place, he steps out in front of the Trojan lines and yells something about how he wants to take on all the Achaians one at a time. He quickly withdraws his offer once he sees the angry king Menelaos. He tries to loose himself within the ranks of his fellow Trojans.

But not before his brother Hektor chews him out with shameful words. Now Alexandros tries to regain some honor. He suggests that he and Menelaos "the warlike" duke it out personally. Hektor sits down all his men and rushes to the gap between the opposing forces to flag down Agamemnon to discuss the duel. Everyone agrees to the duel. We are taking bets now. My money is on Menelaos.

We now head over to see the messenger Iris speaking with Helen. (You know Helen... the reason that this story was even written) Apparently she's weaving some sort of tapestry which chronicles the Trojans hardships against the Achaians. (Thanks a lot! Yeah! Of course this makes the past nine years worth it.) Iris gives news of Helen's husband's plan to get himself killed. Helen then heads out to speak with her father-in-law, Priam. He asks some questions. Like: Who's that big guy? Who's that bigger guy? She answers. Then Priam leaves to discuss matters with Agamemnon.

They discuss the terms, and everyone agrees. More sacrifices and praying. Then Priam says that he's going back to Ilion because he "cannot look with [his] eyes on the sight of [his] dear son fighting against warlike Menelaos in single combat." Probably translates to something like: Alexandros will get slaughtered and I don't have enough Tide to get his blood out of my robes if it gets whipped everywhere.

Now the fight starts. Alexandros throws the fist spear. And his spear... bends at the tip?! Menelaos throws his, and it goes straight through Alexandros' shield. Then it's strange. For some reason Menelaos' sword breaks into pieces. But it doesn't matter. He lashes forward and grabs Alexandros' by the helmet. Now Menelaos drags him away by his helmet. Alexandros is being strangled by his own chin strap until Aphrodite intervenes. Alexandros then finds himself in his bed chambers.

Aphrodite then fetches Helen to meet with Alexandros. Once they're together Helen insults him for not finishing the fight. Then , in true Alexandros form, he goes from six to midnight (so to speak). He just came from certain death, and he jumps straight into wanting sex. Typical man I guess.

Now Menelaos is none too happy. And Agamemnon states the Menelaos is clearly the winner. Then he demands compensation from the Trojans. That's chapter 3.

"The Iliad": Chapter 2

What a day. I go to start reading, and what do you know? I hear that I have friends coming over to visit. I don't get six pages into Chapter 2 before they show up. Oh well....maybe I'll find some time later tonight.

12:37 A.M.: This is when I can finally continue my reading. Go off and do something quick. Count to five on your fingers. Ha! That didn't take too long. Now I'm done with the reading.

This continues very smoothly from the previous chapter. The gods all go to sleep after a party. But wait... what's this? Poor ol' Zeus is having trouble catching some Zs. An almighty god of Olympus has trouble sleeping. Omnipotence is not what it's cracked up to be I guess. But I digress.

We all know why he's having trouble. He needs to find a way to bring honor to Achilles. You know... to teach Agamemnon a lesson but good. I kind of like his plan. Send Dream, who now is an entity instead of just something we do in our sleep, to lie to Agamemnon about how he's going to beat the Trojans into the ground. Dream does a beautiful job with this. He takes on the likeness of Nestor, who just happens to be Agamemnon's favorite counselor (tricksy gods playing with mens' favorites... shame shame). He spits out Zeus' words verbatim. Now the great king's ego grew three sizes that day. Now the king is ready to assemble the men. First he has council with the "high-hearted princes." He repeats the dream verbatim also. (I wish I had the memory that these people have. I find myself going back time-and-time again to check facts to avoid the wrath of some anal retentive "Iliad" lover. Cute fact: I just looked up "anal retentive" on Wikipedia. Turns out it is a product of Freudian psychology. I should be learning more about that later.) Back to business.

Now Agamemnon decides that he will assemble all the men. But this isn't the usual pep talk. He actually tries to frighten the living hell out of them. (You know.... to test them) And laughably enough... it works. His stupid plan back fires. Everyones panicking like a bunch of Japanese after they see Godzilla. They run straight for their ships. EINS, ZWEI, DREI PUUUUUSH! (translate: German for 1, 2, 3)

But of course this can't be where it ends. Hera sees all this confusion and panic. She then sends Athena to calm the confusion. Athena has Odysseus calm the Achaians. He runs into Thersites "of the endless speech," who is speaking against Agamemnon. I thought that Thersites had made some excellent points. But Odysseus puts him down. (Not dead. But with his face in the dirt.) Then he speaks with Agamemnon concerning the Achaians behavior.

Now a sign appears. A great black snake eats a sparrow's eight children and then her. Kalchas then gives Agamemnon some good news (for once) from this sign. Apparently the great "bird interpreter" believes this to be a sign that the nine birds just eaten represent the nine failed years to conquer Troy. But now in the tenth year there shall be victory. (I wonder what it would mean to him if a woodpecker started pecking at his thick skull. Maybe... that opportunity was knocking?)

Enter Nestor, whose words are more bitter than sweet this time. He give the fleeing Achaians a good scolding. Now everything is back on schedule. They all burn sacrifices to help escape the "grind of Ares." Agamemnon makes a nice little prayer to Zeus. But little does he know of the god's treachery.

Now they march. This was nearly unbearable, having to read the descriptions concerning the tribes. It literally read about as well as an instructional manual. (But less helpful) And of course Achilles' men do not march. Achilles' feelings are still hurt.

After the boring descriptions we now come to learn of Iris' visit to the Trojans. She warns of the sheer size of Agamemnon's forces. And instructs that only the leaders who speak their mens' own language should lead them. (DUH!!) Now the Trojans are assembled outside the walled city. This should be fun. BRING IT ON!!!

"The Iliad": Chapter 1

All righty. Bring it on Homer. I've seen "Troy." So I have a decent idea what I'm in store for with this epic poem. In order to get in the mood I decide to pick some mood music in the form of "Conan the Barbarian" the movie soundtrack. No one does it like good ol' Basil Poledouris. Sweeping violins, blaring trumpets, heart-breaking vocal melodies, and stampeding percussion.

Ahh.... the mood is set. Now to battle.

Starts off well enough. Not with a physical battle, but with a nice dilemma. Should the great king Agamemnon give up his prize for which his men fought so hard, or be merciful to an old temple priest whose daughter just so happens to be the aforementioned prize. Well... we all know the kindly nature of Agamemnon. Not! In true greedy form he threatens and frightens the poor man off. Who then goes off to ask his god, Apollo, to smite Agamemnon and his men. The gods seem to be very good at smiting. Family trait I guess.

Now the Achaians are in for it. Apollo is angry, and has a full quiver. Apollo hits them hard. Deaths everywhere with burning bodies day and night. That is, until a wise old bird interpreter(?), Kalchas, after asking Achilles to protect him from Agamemnon, tells of Agamemnon's greed being the cause of their plight.

Now we have the heated debate between Achilles and Agamemnon. Back-and-forth; back-and-forth; Achilles almost skewers Agamemnon out of anger(but Athena stops him); and then Agamemnon, after Nestor, whose "words [run] sweeter than honey," talks with great persuasion to both parties, decides that he'll just take Achilles prize as collateral for returning the priest's daughter.

Priest's daughter is returned with a big sacrifice and feast. Then Achilles' prize, Briseis, is taken away. He weeps, and asks his mom, Thetis, to ask Zeus to help the Trojans. So that he may prove how helpless Agamemnon is without him.

She asks and Zeus approves. Then Zeus has a marital spat with Hera because Hera has her money, so to speak, on the Achaians and Agamemnon. But thank goodness for Hephaistos who calms down the situation. The gods party and go to bed. End of Chapter 1.

Not too bad. Not quite the movie. Some of the sentences are a little hard to get the first time around. But it is a good start. Onward!

Background, Inspiration, and Goals.

Wow. I keep thinking more and more how daunting this task is. Reading through all the Great Books of Western Civilization. I just thank God that I'm not under a time limit. If you're wondering why I'm doing this, it's pretty simple. Like many people I want to accomplish something grand in my life. Become really well read and smart (among other things).

My Dad bought the Great Books set about 1 1/2 years back. It all came about from my interest in attending St. Thomas Aquinas College in Santa Paula, California. Sadly I wasn't able to attend (too expensive). But either way, I got my Dad interested in the idea of the Great Books. Soon enough we had them delivered. Some of the heaviest boxes I have ever had to carry. You could almost feel the weight of the knowledge. The second part comes more recently.

I was inspired by the book "The Know-It-All" by A. J. Jacobs. This guy wanted to become smart by reading the entire Encyclopedia Britannica. I look at the cover, and the books look exactly like the Great Books collection (but with different titles). That reminded me of the amazing books that were collecting dust on the shelves. Then it was simple. This guy read all that?! Well... I'm going to read all this! Plus, I find myself with a lot of free time (it helps).

What am I hoping to accomplish with this? A good question for the start of a journey.

1. Finish them all. Which should help me come away with a more agile mind (fingers crossed).
2. Maybe write a book to help others find their way through the Great Books. I know that I'm totally lost starting out. The best plan I have is to go straight through from start to finish.
3. Maybe rack up some fans on the internet.
4. Maybe even make some money if it catches on. But remember... it's really all about the knowledge. I can already hear the chuckles for that one.

Now I'm sitting at my laptop. The first book in front of me. Let's get started. That's right. Let's= Let us. You're in this too if you want to be. "Abandon All Hope Ye Who" Read With Me. That's kinda from the Great Books.