But wait.... what's this? No fighting?! This Homer is a tease. But at least I can make fun of Alexandros (aka: Paris). The Trojans are standing strong while the beastly Achaians are charging so hard that they actually seem to kick up a dust cloud. Which effectively destroys their depth perception. But on to the horny, wimpy, "kitty"-whipped Alexandros. After feeling a sudden surge of adrenaline or testosterone, which probably got him into the predicament in the first place, he steps out in front of the Trojan lines and yells something about how he wants to take on all the Achaians one at a time. He quickly withdraws his offer once he sees the angry king Menelaos. He tries to loose himself within the ranks of his fellow Trojans.
But not before his brother Hektor chews him out with shameful words. Now Alexandros tries to regain some honor. He suggests that he and Menelaos "the warlike" duke it out personally. Hektor sits down all his men and rushes to the gap between the opposing forces to flag down Agamemnon to discuss the duel. Everyone agrees to the duel. We are taking bets now. My money is on Menelaos.
We now head over to see the messenger Iris speaking with Helen. (You know Helen... the reason that this story was even written) Apparently she's weaving some sort of tapestry which chronicles the Trojans hardships against the Achaians. (Thanks a lot! Yeah! Of course this makes the past nine years worth it.) Iris gives news of Helen's husband's plan to get himself killed. Helen then heads out to speak with her father-in-law, Priam. He asks some questions. Like: Who's that big guy? Who's that bigger guy? She answers. Then Priam leaves to discuss matters with Agamemnon.
They discuss the terms, and everyone agrees. More sacrifices and praying. Then Priam says that he's going back to Ilion because he "cannot look with [his] eyes on the sight of [his] dear son fighting against warlike Menelaos in single combat." Probably translates to something like: Alexandros will get slaughtered and I don't have enough Tide to get his blood out of my robes if it gets whipped everywhere.
Now the fight starts. Alexandros throws the fist spear. And his spear... bends at the tip?! Menelaos throws his, and it goes straight through Alexandros' shield. Then it's strange. For some reason Menelaos' sword breaks into pieces. But it doesn't matter. He lashes forward and grabs Alexandros' by the helmet. Now Menelaos drags him away by his helmet. Alexandros is being strangled by his own chin strap until Aphrodite intervenes. Alexandros then finds himself in his bed chambers.
Aphrodite then fetches Helen to meet with Alexandros. Once they're together Helen insults him for not finishing the fight. Then , in true Alexandros form, he goes from six to midnight (so to speak). He just came from certain death, and he jumps straight into wanting sex. Typical man I guess.
Now Menelaos is none too happy. And Agamemnon states the Menelaos is clearly the winner. Then he demands compensation from the Trojans. That's chapter 3.
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